Boy and me time

We told the children at the weekend that they would be getting a baby brother.

I have two stepchildren, Boy who is 4 and Girl who is 2.  It was very difficult to determine how Boy would take the news, especially as despite my efforts of bonding with him, keeps me at arms length.  

Girl wasn't going to be a problem and we had no real apprehension about telling her so while she was having her afternoon nap, we sat Boy down and asked how he would feel about having a little brother.

It is important to know that Boy is attached to his Daddy 99% of the time.  He has only just started kissing me goodbye and goodnight, yet is still reluctant to do so having known him for 1 year.  Cuddles and cutesy 4 year old comments do not come my way and Boy strugglew with even acknowledging me at times.  Whilst his behaviour towards me has improved with time and a lot of patience, Boy has been through a lot and I do not blame him for his behaviour  towards me, I only wish it was easier; for him and for me.  Boy lives with his Mummy and remembers his Daddy being the one to leave which fills Frank with guilt and his Mummy with control.

Having said all of this, I cannot tell you how elated and relieved I was at his reaction.  It made me tearful to say the least.  Tears of absolute happiness that even if his attention towards me would last only one day, he was besotted with me and his baby brother.  I had hundreds of questions fired at me; "what's he doing now? What's his name? Will I be able to cuddle him?  Can I cuddle him now?  What do I call you now? Can I cuddle by baby brother? Can I kiss him goodnight?"  With all this in mind, he didn't leave my side and crawled upon my welcoming lap for lots of long awaited and emotional cuddles.  I felt accepted, wanted and importantly a bond between Boy and I; something I feared would never happen.  I wanted to freeze time and have "Boy and me time" to last a decade.  For the first time in a year, it was about Frank and me and our family, I was no longer sitting on the sidelines wishing I could join in with family time, I was part of family time.

Girl, bless her, kind of gets it; rubs my tummy and says "baby in belly".  When we asked her if she wanted to kiss her baby brother goodnight she looked up at us with shear confusion!! "No" shaking her head and backing away!! We did chuckle at her reaction as she simply waved at my tummy and softly said "nigh nigh".

So will my "Boy and me time" last, or will I have to carry those memories with me once the novelty wears off for Boy?

I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it is to give your heart and mothering instincts to a child and them not want it.  Them not wanting you to be a part of their family or even consider you to be a friend.  Whilst I try to be patient and understand the Boys own heartache and feelings, I can't help but hope for more "Boy and me" time.